Drummer Girl Porn Sucks

Photo: band

Today, the music died as a NTU band, the distastefully named 'Drummer Girl Porn' ('DGP'), simply existed in a totally sucky way.

DGP is a local band that won accolades in the music scene, once blazing a path of glory across the stratosphere of sub-par Bon Jovi cover bands that populate the college rock scene. The band members are, corresponding to the above photo: Tommy, Barry, Shaun and their back-up vocalist, who is presently being held in prison. He has since been replaced by Portia, the cow.

Ever since the band won first runner-up in the prestigious Jam X Band Competition, the members have each attained individual fame and pending sainthood. Various fan-sites appeared all over the vast internet, gushing critical acclaim over their highly original sound. Their music has been vaguely described as a mixture of 90's radio rock, frantic punk riffs, and a heavy blues treatment; and the band, 'a tightly wound melodic outfit, existing only to rock the world to it's undeserving knees'.

However, the band's sound seems to have changed somewhat since then. According to the fans that used to stand behind the band, they now play like "c***-sucking mother****ers". The switch in musical styles, which is now a smooth sugary blend of R&B beats and rehashed Backstreet Boys vocals, has been attributed to the members alternatively turning gay, and violently pussy-whipped.

Fans were nowhere to be found when questioned on the truth of the accusations, but a close friend, the editor of this paper, commented that:

"I, myself, have heard the band pretty recently, and I can definitely attest to the band turning, uh, gay and pussified. In fact, I've heard better music off a eighty year old Geylang hooker's vagina."

Stay tuned to this reporter, as the New Shaocong Times tries to acquire an exclusive interview with the band itself in the next few weeks.

Note: Do hit the dickhead guitarist's website at http://www.fullservesite.com/thefishtank/main.html for updates.